St. Patrick’s Day. My favorite holiday. In Boston, we call it “scheduled sick day”. (Oh I miss my youth.) St. Patrick’s Day is one of those holidays that can be disastrous for the amateur. (New Year’s Eve, Red Sox Winning the World Series…also amateur hour). St. Patrick’s day is like Mardi Gras, but with more beer and less dancing. You’ll see drunk people, girls flashing their chest and drinking in the streets. So yeah, St. Patrick’s Day is like Mardi Gras just with more green beer and people pretending they have Irish Accents.
Here are my tips for avoiding amateur status on St. Patrick’s Day:
- Don’t go to an Irish Bar. What you say? Blasphemy you say? NO I say all the newbies will be at the popular Irish bars, looking for real Irishmen and leprechauns (Black Rose anyone?). Hit the corner joint where the beers will be cheaper and the real Irishmen might actually be hiding.
- Keep your shirt on. This goes for men and women. We don’t need to see your beer gut so make sure you keep it covered. If you have a self-control problem find a friend with good judgement.
- Wear Green. For christ sake, it’s St. Patrick’s Day not the Puerto Rican parade. Be festive. Just don’t look like an ass or you’ll become the “Let’s get that jackhole drunk, they’ll be fun to watch” target.
- DO NOT TRY TO IRISH STEP DANCE… especially at an Irish Bar, On St. Patrick’s Day, with your friends, who are all Jewish. You will look like an a-hole. I know this one from experience. I still wake up with night terrors from the memories.
- Stick to beer. Irish pubs aren’t known for fuzzy navels or kamikaze shots. If you feel like going crazy try an Irish Car Bomb (I know, terrible name). It’s a nice pint of Guinness with a shot of Jameson dropped in. Please refer to # 3 before trying this cocktail.
- Erin… don’t go braless you easy piece. No one wants to see a festive boozer flopping all over the place…well some people do (you know who you are).
- We’ll end here at Lucky #7. Have a good posse for your exploits. You will need someone to hold your beer, your purse and possibly your hair before the night is over (they may also have to hold you back from that old boyfriend/girlfriend who is looking so gooooood after the 5th round of guinness).
May the Luck of the Irish be with you, make us proud.