Dear Broads –
My best friend is boy crazy. She is higher than high when she meets a new guy and then lives in despair for weeks after it fizzles. The problem? I’m married and running out of patience for the roller coaster. I’m happy to play her wing (wo)man and scrape her off the ground when relationships don’t work out, but every month? We’re in our 30’s already. I’ve been listening the same story for 15 years already.
How can I be a good friend and not tear my hair out?
– Help Me Help Her Help Herself
How terrible it must be for you to be all married and shit while your friend is heart sick and looking for love? I am sure the repetition is getting old, but this is part of being a life long friend. If you only had girlfriends tailor made for each phase of your life, you’d be swapping out your crew like last years Espadrilles every season. Try and be patient with her, but also encourage her to find some joy and happiness in arenas that have nothing to do dudes. Like Malbec. It’s important you’re the voice of reason without turning into a condescending whorebag with a diamond on your hand. Besides, nothing is permanent. Maybe you’ll need her to flank your divorced ass in the future.
Dear Not Helping,
Well it looks like someone has forgotten a lot since walking down the aisle. As you sit with your hubby next to you watching an episode of House Hunters sharing a carton of Ben & Jerry’s– imagine all that gone. Imagine having to go shave your legs (and if you’re that kinda gal, your bikini line) put on make up, a cute outfit and go out to date and date and date. I’m exhausted thinking about it. Looking for love is TOUGH.
Since you seem to be annoyed by her and are all grown up and married and mature, maybe it’s time to let her find a wingwoman who is more understanding than you. Sorry to say it, but your relationship with her may be changing. You’ve been friends for 15 years. Change is bound to happen. Lay low if you don’t want to get involved in her romantic drama, but be sure to have her new beau over for margaritas when things are going good. Sounds like you can relate better when she’s part of a duo rather than when she’s flying solo. Which is fine. You don’t have to be all things to all friends. I say sit back and finish that pint of ice cream and wonder if they pick house number 2 or house number 3 rather than sit and hope you don’t hear about how Mr. Wrong showed up at her door, again.
Dear Perfect Married Person,
Oh how soon we forget how it feels to be single and trying to find the perfect someone. I get it, she is like a Carney ride gone wrong. I get that you have found your Mr. Right, but try to remember how it feels to be out there. Now add about 10 years to that feeling. Makes you panic and feel sweaty doesn’t it. Ok, now take a deep breath and pretend to be sympathetic, it’s like faking an orgasm with your husband but a lot less work – see, it’s not so hard.
Now that we have you in the proper mind set let’s talk about the fact that you as a married woman have been her wing-man. WTF? No wonder she can’t find the right guy. Why the hell are you being her wing-man – this poor girl needs to make new friends in a similar situation so they can go out and have fun, and maybe even a double date with some fun fellas they meet. No guy is going to want to deal with the married wing-man, unless you are a ho-bag which I am guessing you are not.
So put on your good friend panties and have a heart to heart. Tell her you love her and spending time with her but she needs to go out and find other single gals to pal around with and have fun looking for some nice boys. Try being honest and telling her you are getting in the way of her finding the right guy. You know the usual break-up line, it’s not you and your drama, it’s me.