Weekend Round-up: How to Fail at Gift Giving 1

Miss K here and I am writing to all the men out there.

Put on your listening ears and try to avoid these little missteps.

I am basically give you a blow by blow of how to avoid a gift debacle.



My husband is a great guy, but he is a colossal failure in the gift giving department.  COLOSSAL.  I knew he was a gift moron when I married him, but I had hope.  I had faith he would learn and evolve.  I was sadly mistaken.  Here is what I have learned from over 15 years of poor gift receiving.  READ CAREFULLY:

It’s probably NOT a great idea to give your wife an x-box, roku (do they make those any more?), an x-box LIVE subscription and a set of pots and pans for Christmas.  This is especially not a great idea to do all in one year as the ONLY gifts you give your loving wife.

Please, DO NOT expect your wife to have a baby ON HER BIRTHDAY and then only celebrate the baby’s day going forward. The excuse, “I can’t top giving you a baby” is not acceptable. (dumbassery)

Might I recommend that you NOT take the family on spring break vacation over your wife’s 40th birthday week and tell her that is her present – DO NOT DO THIS – EVER

Never try to give your wife (or girlfriend at the time – a-hem) a returned piece of jewelry from an old girlfriend or from a friend’s old girlfriend. (ladies this is a sign that things will never improve, it’s also a sign he might be thrifty to the point of a concern)

Try to NOT give your wife a Kindle/iPhone/iPad for a birthday gift and then REPLACE the gift a couple of years later.  Be original you lazy bastards. This is called updated re-gifting.  See Below.

Re-gifting is a no-no.   Please do not re-gift with the new version of the Kindle and then buy her e-books of low quality vampire porn thinking you will get lucky.  Biggest. Turn-Off. Ever.

Plan better.  It’s advisable to avoid traveling all week, showing up ON her birthday without a gift and then taking a nap. ( Suck it up buttercup and pamper her, you moron, or at least stop at the grocery store and bring her flowers)

Learn from your mis-steps.  Don’t make the same mistake year after year.  She will eventually decide to buy her own gifts and you will not like the bill or bitching.

Finally, for the love of God, DO NOT use the line “Bad gift giving is my thing baby”.  You will get a punch in your man sack.

Let me point out one little fact: Our birthday never changes.  Christmas and Anniversary:  SAME DAMN DAY EVERY YEAR.  It’s not like these occasions sneak up on you like a Ninja.  There are CALENDARS, with reminders and alarms that can help you.  Gentlemen, it’s not hard to do better.  Remember this list and lots of good things will happen for you (Sex, you will get lots and lots of sex).  Don’t believe me?  Just ask my very frustrated husband.



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